Booky Thoughts and Me

Book reviews and pondering thoughts of a down to earth person

Music Wednesday: Numb by Linkin Park

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Numb by Linkin Park

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

For the first post of Music Wednesdays I’ve decided to choose Numb by Linkin Park. They aren’t exactly pleasant lyrics, as you can tell by the short piece I’ve included above. However, back when I was in middle and high school they sure did help me out a lot. By the time I reached highschool I’ve already lived in three countries. Moving is hard enough when you know the language, but when you move and are still a small child and don’t know the language it becomes twice as hard. Making friends  was even harder at the time because everyone looked at me and thought ‘oh look there’s the foreigner’. Things got a little easier when I finally knew the English language but not by much.

Try fitting in somewhere when you know that the majority of the people have known each other since kindergarten.  Not easy. You could play with them at gym or talk to them in art class, but when that final bell rang, everyone would go off in their packs. The same thing would happen at lunch time,  everyone would already have their designated seating, so by the time I got there, I would have  a table all to myself, or have a big group scootch to the other end of the long table.

In these lonely times, I ended up listening to music that knew what I was feeling and that helped me get out of the dark hole. This particular song inspired some of my best poetry that I have written. It is dark, sad but captures exactly what I’m feeling. I still remember a time when I submitted a piece of poetry for a contest and the reply that I got back was strange. I was told that my poetry was too depressing and that if I was suffering from depression I should seek out help. Ha. Typical response. Although I can now see that she was concerned.

As I look back, I can see that those dark days have made me a stronger person and built my character. I still get my fair share of dark days, some worse than others, but I know that they will pass and the sun will come out soon enough.

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